Worrying, dubbing and doubting… Maybe you suffer from compulsive worrying or you lie awake at night, or you are agitated because you are brooding, you are sad or you have stomach ache because you see so many bears on the road. It is also possible that you get upset by a ‘wrong’ choice or clumsy behaviour and worry about it and think ‘If only I had…’, for example, and take a long time to choose.

When worrying seems as if you have no control over your thoughts. Worrying can be very frustrating. Worrying can also cost a lot of energy and make you tired.

Luckily, you can learn how to deal with worry and you can learn to create an ’empty’ head and to be focused!

The meaning of worrying

The word worry comes from the Arabic word for ‘thinking’. There is, however, a difference between ‘normal’ thinking and over-stressed thinking.

In ‘normal’ thinking you are able to put things into perspective, make reconsiderations and choices and to take action.

Worrying is excessive thinking. It is also called pondering or grinding. When worrying, the same thoughts repeat themselves continuously. For example, you can think about the past, or about the future and worry about yourself and/or others (or how others may think about you).

brooding by a woman in bed

High sensitivity and worrying

Approximately 1 in 5 people is a highly sensitive person (HSP). Highly sensitive people are extra open to external impressions and stimuli.

Many HSP recognize themselves in these HSP characteristics. HSP are often idealistic, perfectionists and have a great sense of responsibility. This has advantages, but also disadvantages if you have not yet mastered your high sensitivity.

For example, your idealism, sense of responsibility and perfectionism can ‘overshoot’ and ‘work against’ you. You may (unconsciously) be taking on too much. HSP can then come across as ‘controlfreaks’. For example, you may be thinking about what you think things should be like and doing your best for this. This is often accompanied by worrying.

In addition, higher educated people are often inclined to spend a lot of time in their heads and to do a lot of ‘thinking work’ (for example behind the PC), which in general can lead to worrying more often than people who are ‘in their bodies’ and for example doing a lot of ‘do work’. In combination with a high sensitivity that is not yet well mastered, extra challenging!

Because the energy of the day is different from the energy of the night, you can experience different thoughts and worries during the day than at night. Some HSP literally experience the night as dark and heavy and can then worry more intensely.

With your thoughts and worries you can (unconsciously) influence your emotions and also your body. Often worrying is accompanied by stress and complaints on a mental, emotional or physical level:

  • In this way you can suffer from a poor concentration on a mental level.
  • In case of worrying you can also experience all kinds of feelings with charge such as sadness, powerlessness, guilt, insecurity or fear. This can possibly lead to a depression.
  • Maybe you suffer from tension in your neck, shoulders or head, abdominal pain, poor sleep or eating and fatigue (such as a burn-out).

It is often easy to stay in a worry state and not take action. You may experience a vicious circle. There are all kinds of degrees of worrying; from short-term worrying (such as 5 minutes) to more compulsive worrying (for example: always compulsively doubting yourself and your appearance) or excessive worrying during the whole night.

How to stop worrying?

Luckily you can reduce your worries and learn how to stop it. On the one hand this can be done by learning to examine your thoughts thoroughly and thus overcome blockages, on the other hand by paying attention to, for example, your feet and literally standing firmly with both feet on the ground.

In this video I give practical tips that you can apply today, so that you learn how you can stop worrying.

This video is in Dutch with English subtitles. To get the subtitles:

  • Press on the play and pause button.
  • Press on the subtitle button. If this does not work:
  • Click the gear icon in the bottom-right corner of the video player to display the video player settings.
  • Expand the combo box next to Subtitles/CC.
  • Click the desired subtitle language to begin displaying subtitles. The video is manually translated in to English (so the translation is okay), YouTube translates the video automatically to other languages (we are not sure if the quality of the translation is okay then).

There are also various other tips against fretting, which help you to relax and to learn how to stop fretting.

Worrying tips: things you can do when you worry

1. Find out the cause

2. Address the cause of the worry

Often there are all kinds of (unconscious) thoughts and fears that causes worrying and problems to stay at your own core/essence. Often these thoughts and fears are ‘wrong’ and can disappear if you dare to examine them critically and thoroughly. Learn how to thoroughly examine your thoughts and overcome energy-guzzling blockages so that you stay in your own peaceful energy/essence and become more energetic and productive.

3. Go do something!

In general, it helps to do something, so that you can focus your attention on something else. For example, some HSP benefit from outdoor walking, sports, doing the dishes, taking a hot shower, gardening or yoga. Find out which ‘do’ method works for you.
Femke de gray does yoga

4. Out of your mind

Find a way to express your thoughts and use this the moment you worry. For example: when you worry, you can write down your thoughts, draw your thoughts and/or sing about your thoughts. You will notice that when you are doing this, your head will become empty at some point.

For example, if you worry over at night, get out of bed and do something. With this you literally break through your worries and a vicious circle and surround yourself with new stimuli that can distract you from worrying. With the help of external stimuli, you can ‘distract’ your brooding thoughts and tune in to new stimuli and new positive thoughts.

5. Put things into perspective

If you worry, you are no longer able to put things into perspective. You are not your thoughts, but you have them.  By remembering this, you create peace and space and you can experience your own essence and peaceful energy again.

6. Avoid worrying: stay connected with yourself

You can avoid worrying and thinking too much, by staying in your essence. Therefore learn to control your high sensitivity! I would like to help you with this.

About Femke the Grijs

As HSP I worried about everything; this made me very tired.

Because I learned to examine my thoughts thoroughly, overcome blockages and my absorption disorder of vitamin B12 was treated correctly, I became more energetic and productive.

With my background as a Applied Psychologist I specialize in guiding higher educated, highly sensitive women who suffer from fatigue. I teach them how to be more energetic and productive.

Central to my holistic approach is my intuition: with this I developed my unique method that helps you to quickly overcome blockages and be more energetic!

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